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Star Wars: The Force Awakens Explained by The Hills
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| MTV |
If you're anything like us and don't understand, don't have time to see, or don't give a flying Falcon about Star Wars: The Force Awakens, but still want to seem cool, read on. We've put together an easy to swallow guide to the latest film as told by GIF's from the show you do care about, The Hills. After all, you don't want to be that person ringing in the new year who doesn't know the difference between Ren and Rey, do you? Trust us—we were that girl—and the answer is no. We saw it, so you don't have to, and to the best of our memory, we're going to hit you with the highlights. You're welcome.
So, okay. This vintage hottie (old but in a hot way) named Luke Skywalker (Leia's brother and OG Star Wars character) is MIA, and everybody be wildin' out trying to find him. This nice dude with a chic leather jacket named Poe (relation to the Teletubby unknown) is sent on a mission to this desert planet called Jakku or something. The point is if TSA confiscated your oversized bottle of face lotion before you flew to this place, your dewy complexion would be history. Anyway, this poor Poe guy is sent there because he's gotta meet up with this dude-bro who has a missing piece of the map to Luke's whereabouts. This is basically the gist of the whole story. You follow so far?
All of a sudden, while Poe and the dude-bro are doing their business, some cray-ass shiz goes down. The desert planet gets attacked by Stormtroopers (those bad guys in the so-last-season white armor) who are led by Kylo Ren (way bad guy who kinda looks like Darth Vader but is actually the son of Leia and Han Solo). Think of Kylo Ren as being similar to Justin Bobby's character. He's kind of a butthole, but when he takes off his mask (like Justin takes off his motorcycle helmet) we find out he's actually super effing hot, so it makes it kind of hard to hate him entirely.
Poe has this adorbs little robotic sidekick named BB-8 that looks like it should be in the cast of WALL-E. During the attack, Poe gives BB-8 the map he got from that dude-bro and orders him to dip out with it. They have a touching emo moment where Poe says he promises they will reunite in the future. BB-8 rolls away in sorrow while Poe is taken prisoner by the bad guys. You guys, it was almost as sad as watching Justin Bobby ditch Audrina Patridge at that one party as he rolled away on his motorcycle into the sunset.
Fortunately for our adorable little robo-butterball, he (she? it?) rolls right on into Rey, our kick-ass main character chilling on Jakku. Rey is a total power chick, who doesn't take shiz from anyone, a lot like Lauren Conrad. She fights off sketchy robbers who try to jack BB-8 for parts, like when LC told off Heidi Montag for being shady AF.
While Poe is prisoner, a Stormtrooper named FN-2187, in the midst of an identity crisis, befriends him, and offers to help them escape. They bust outta da Finalizer (this evil giant black ship thing) together, and Poe renames his new friend "Finn" in order to help him ease into living his new best life. Aww. Sadly, they crash on that one super dry Jakku planet from earlier, and Finn loses sight of Poe. He strips off his Stormtrooper armor and takes Poe's chic leather jacket as his own, setting off into the distance a changed man. Kinda like when Heidi got all that work done and basically became a new person.
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